End of Day 2

Posted: December 19, 2010 in alone, destiny, facebook, hope, me

After the stress and crying today, I gave up on any type of housework productivity. I walked to my car to run to the little store in my complex, and my car was dead AGAIN! After I came back in my apartment, I decided to reclaim my day, even if it was 830pm.  I put on a puffy coat, gloves and hoofed it in the freezing cold. It’s really only about 7 blocks-ish. As I walked, I thought to myself, “FUCK MY LIFE! FUCK THIS DAY! Anyone weaker would have stayed inside and cried some more. The adrenaline will lift my mood. Walking will tire my restless body and help me sleep. Fresh air always makes you tired. (my gramma always said this) I’ll be back in less than 30 minutes. Fuck that guy for being a douche! I’m not ruining a whole day over an asshole chicken shit move like that. Holy Christ is it cold. I’m making dinner when I get back if my toes don’t fall off. Screw it! I’m getting a bottle of wine too bitches! Watch, after I’m all cozy my friend will call about going out!”

I made it home in one cube. Then I cozied up with the cat and a blankie till I defrosted. For dinner I made pepper steak. Laughing at SNL, food and wine in hand, I forgot that crap of a morning full of fatigued tears I blamed on the demise of an imaginary relationship. I forgot a little more about my brothers bender. The dried tears on my face and hands and phone irritated me, so I washed up a little.

As I sit here, as so many times before, the lonely soul at a keyboard, I’m compelled to wallow. Unfortunately, a few years back my angsty soul decided to proceed in optimism and strength. Maybe it was all the scars that toughened my skin and I should embrace them. There’s even a possibility I can take my power back from them. Maybe even use the power to shine them up pretty, or at least back to my normal pale color. I’m not religious, but couldn’t an ordinary person endure suffering for others as well? Could I be an example to my family, my friends, and hopefully my niece? I’d like to think that. When life throws me lemons, I throw them all back but one. I like a twist in my martini. Cheers facebook! It’s been a pleasure missing you.

  1. uselessjess says:

    You made it home “in one cube”! Cute!

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