Day 4…All Said and Done

Posted: December 21, 2010 in me

I had a REALLY shitty evening. I’m going to let it be a “shitty evening” that followed a good morning that was all of my own accord. This “shitty evening” was twisted, turned, riddled, and shaped by my decision to vacate facebook and the subsequent “cheating” on that intention. Long story short: Girl meets car. Car shits on girl. Girl has icicles in her hair, in a strangers house, while crying. Alone.  So why not lay in wait facebooking?!

I come home to the warm home that is mine, though for all intents and purposes, temporary. There are Strawberry Shortcake pajamas to be worn, wine to be drank, groceries to be eaten, and a kitty to give scratchies to. This is my home. At times it may be lonely, far, unvisited, yet it is MINE!

According to weak willed peer pressure, I decided to facebook for the grand purpose of music. Music like love, art, taste and comfort, are personal and possibly unintentional choices. Thus began my experience with futility. I was bated into posting into a music group I created. That journey left me bored, empty and annoyed. Chalk it up to the little girl that felt “punk” but needed a job. I’m done there. It should be considered a Christmas gift. Share music my friends. I made the people that post the most the admins, so it would be easier to remove my imaginary power. I made the group anonymous sounding, as my exit, I hope, will be.

Day 4…facebook, I tire of you. It’s all so very empty. LAWD KNOWZ I like to see pictures of your kids and hear tales of your happiness. I cannot lie, I tire of the commonness. There are people in my life that can CALL ME or COME BY or HAVE ME OVER to talk about their cold, traffic, last nights dinner and subsequent bowel movement. Will you do that facebook?!?! I hate the rhetorically based questions.

After the 3 day hump came independence in the form of recognizing my lack of dependence. My haphazard bumbling on facebook has granted me a handful of friendships that I believe are guiding me in to the golden future of JENNINESS. I thank facebook for that, from the deepest recesses  of my hopeful heart. I met a man who reminded me of the phrase, “It’s dangerous to go alone, take this.” That man is my soul’s brother. His wife is the most amazing woman I have yet to encounter. Their friend that collected me into their inventory, is my gentle guide.

Here I am home alone, aside from a cat that batters me on a daily. I have the music I love, the food I bought,  and the wine I am drinking. The only way “facebook” affected this was to suck me in,  just to leave me lonely again.

Hi! My name is JMiz. My life seems hopeful. I feel free. My power is recognized. I finally feel like I’m doing what I was born to do. Tonite, my dreams will be sweet, for when I wake, what I am doing right now, will be my priority. Destroying ties is not what I am doing. I’m giving my power and the power of life enough freedom to fly, and enough rope to choke itself.

Until then, music, jammies, kitty, wine, my words…and peace ❤

  1. uselessjess says:

    This. Is. Gorgeous.

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