Archive for February, 2012

game over

Posted: February 29, 2012 in me

me: Yeah, well… I’m a handful.

him: But, I can handle you. In my own little way.

“I’m keeping him.” -Eliott, “ET”

equation

Posted: February 28, 2012 in destiny, hope, love, poetry

love invisible
love tangible
love the color blue
love the encompassing
love the silent given
love unlocking
love existing
love impeccable
love pure
love sincere
love ebb
love flow
love mysterious
love familiar
love understood
love redirected energy
love that is love

formula

Posted: February 26, 2012 in me

Saying that the last few days of my life have been amazing, would be an injustice to the last few weeks. All the pieces of my life have been settling into place like the tumbler in a lock. I’m seeing the world in a way that is way more optimistic than even my sunny deposition would’ve ever dreamed. The people I love are becoming well, and I am coming to love well people.

I am the breaking dawn of my life’s tomorrows. Each morning I awaken with more vigor and joyful memories than the day before. Content could do nothing but insult my current state by even dreaming of attempting to be it’s descriptor.

I have peace, I have hope, I have purpose, and the consistency that comes from the tangling of two pure souls. Jesus may have died  for sins, but my entire life has laid to rest for this ecstasy and peace. I begin anew with each breath and brush of skin and lip.

Jenny = Jenny

F I N A L L Y

02252012

Posted: February 24, 2012 in me

I was asked if I thought of you.
I said I never have to.
You’re always in my heart.
My soul.

Every breath.
Every blink.
Every beat.

My thing that wakes me the same way I drifted off to sleep.
My golden thing to take for granted.
My morning, my afternoon, my evening, my night.

This birthday, I have one wish.
I wish that the rest of my days will be no different…
Than a Tuesday.
In your arms.
And lap.
Smiling, sobbing, laughing, shivering.

My morning glory.
My happy ending.
My sighs.
My breathless gasps.
My constant.
My friend.
My “found” in a closet of “losts”

Happy Birthday, happy life…

To US

fruition

Posted: February 21, 2012 in me

Though I’m not there, every night, he scoots over & makes room for me in his bed, until the universe makes it so. How. Cute. Is. THAT.

being…me <3

Posted: February 20, 2012 in clarity, destiny, hope, karma, love, me

Today was the most, absolutely perfect day. I wouldn’t change a nano- second!

I wanted to go to a restaurant that has bacon waffles. They hold a childhood fondness for me. DONE!

I wanted a peppermint mocha. They’re my absolute favorite! DONE!

I wanted to go get a nerf gun & Yahtzee. DONE!

I wanted to be held & rest & giggle & be the little red balloon tethered to the mighty stone. DONE.

All amongst the happenings, I was happy. Happy to a point that people brought my happiness to my attention. I am feeling more like me than I may have ever felt before. Ever.

The universe lines things up in the most trixiest ways sometimes. I believe that. I have faith in that. I am under the big orange X these days. And it’s a wonderful place to exist. Living, surviving, these are all well & good. But being… BEING… as I am truly intended, is amazing!

It’s a very cool thing to see yourself. And I finally do. I like her. She’s not perfect, but she’s good. She’s a pleasant & refreshing surprise. She’s at peace… even if she’s the bouncy, blowy, red balloon…she is tethered to her stone

no assembly required

Posted: February 19, 2012 in me

i am smart
i am fragile
i am funny
i am absent minded
i am trusting
i am sexy
i am starry eyed
i am confident
i am gun shy
i am romantic
i am shockless
i am maternal
i am creative
i am nerdy
i am a dreamer
i am soft
i am scared
i am brave
i am intellectual
i am resilient
i am bruised
i am everything
i am me
when i’m with you
see above
i am sincere
i am whole
i am safe
i am X here X
i am home

grey

Posted: February 14, 2012 in clarity, destiny, hope, love, poetry

while you looked for me
i saw that you found yourself
it was worth the wait

chanced chances

Posted: February 13, 2012 in confusion, hope, love, me, poetry

banging my head upon your heart
i begged you’d let me in

nobody answered, nobody stirred
i lost you, my friend

i saw your photo mentally
every night you’d maraude my dreams

pressed by skewed reality
my tender heart’s midnight screams

i moved my lips in silent words
my eyes looking to the core

smells of resignation
my truths shredded ever more

a flick, a glimmer, elusive hope
i catch your reflection in my mirror

so tangible, so concrete
as if you were right here

and you were, inside my heart
banging on my mind

i needed to step out, and so did you
escaping the closeness inside

now here we stand, on blank canvas
white washed, weak & thread bare

one deep breath, a thousand heart beats
simultaneous uttering “i care”

green

Posted: February 9, 2012 in me

i swirled
i.swirled.

at some point
breathing was no longer an option
breathing was all that there was

im swirling
still swirling

elevated by clouds
thousands of yesterdays
the knowing it should be

im whipping
smoothest whipping

pink and pearly
tiny teeny threaded sugar
eyes sheathed in cotton candy sighs

im spinning
spin spin spun

above the ceiling
below me the look
i see connected chocolate chippy skin

im melting
so melted

no longer feeling
no sight sound taste
touches of hypnotizing tornadoes

im everything
every little thing

sitting in the moment
heart pounded memories
i.have.no.words.

punch list

Posted: February 9, 2012 in me

Love, to me, is wanting somebody to be in the same world, well. Love doesn’t require you to be in MY world, especially if it maddens you.

Love is free. Love can choose to stay, or go.

Love is unbridled. Love can’t help but just BEING.

Love knows life is about timing. Love can wait, or move on.

Love doesn’t need you near. Love doesn’t see distance, or proximity. Love is in the heart.

Love isn’t logical. Love doesn’t think. Love just loves.

“All you’ve got to do is walk away and pass me by. Don’t acknowledge my smile when I try to say hello to you.”

bore

Posted: February 9, 2012 in alone, destiny, lonliness, me, poetry

it’s never simple
it’s never safe
it’s never temporary
it’s never immortal

it’s everlasting
it’s burned
it’s ingrained
it’s unchosen

i’m lost
i’m small
i’m regenerating
i’m aware

twine

Posted: February 2, 2012 in destiny, facts, hope, love, poetry
Tags: , , , , , , ,

ive asked to be little countless times
too many promises, so many crimes

and there you were, just cuz i asked
time that stood still, now quickly passed

trickles of tickles, fast beating heart
al dente noodles, no ending, no start

floating on clouds of blankies and peace
knowing that moments must always cease

the sudden sound of leavings, breath was held
eyes locking in stayings, bodies in meld

you grabbed my fingers, pressed down my soul
you saw the balance, what makes me whole

dream that, i couldn’t. wishes once deeply downed
in the moment, the tizzy, was my truth found

“Be my friend. Hold me. Wrap me up. Unfold me. I am small and needy. Warm me up and breathe me.”   Sia-“Breathe Me”