Archive for January, 2017

Cold Side of the Bed

Posted: January 29, 2017 in me

I loved you best when you wanted to fuck me

I wanted you most when you held my hand

I knew you best when you looked me in the eyes

And said my eyebrows looked good

I hated you most when you were lying next to me snoring

While I stared wide eyed at the ceiling

Both hot

And cold

I understood you best when cried while you said you loved me

First

You were afraid

And now I’m bored

Much too hot

And my heart’s so cold

Hearing and feeling nothing

While you snore peacefully next to me

I’m chaos inside

“By the time you get this message it’s gonna be too late…” -Mariah Carey

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Day 15

Posted: January 16, 2017 in me

Not even Noah can’t access the amount of rain needed to wash away the stains of the night. 

Contained in the skies attempt to cleanse my mind, I seek warmth. 

And guarantees. 

And freedom.

Around the world in 16203 days

And it just gets smaller

And more familiar

Without comfort

Only familiarity

Like an angry mother’s slap across the face

It stings

And burns

And makes me wonder when I’ll ever be independent enough

To know

To go

To grow

“You should be used to it by now.” -Telepopmusik

This Could Be Forever Baby

Posted: January 12, 2017 in me

Hypothetically you

Hypothetically me

Sounds pretty pretty

And good in theory

But I’m not imaginary

I’m really really real

Or at least I thought I was

Until recently

Not sure though truthfully

Until I bleedy bleed

And think about what I need

Needy needy

Maybe I’m broken

Hypothetically hopeless

Dark and broody

Sad and moody

Maybe I’m too thin

And forgot how to begin

Or end

Endlessly ending

Always or forever bending

I forget

I think I’m twisted

I think you missed it

Or I did

Maybe it’s us

Maybe it’s you

Maybe I only love what’s new

“This could be forever baby.” – Vince Staples

Lost

Posted: January 8, 2017 in me

I have these times of night where I lose my motivation. And my appetite. 

I’m no longer energized with excitement, though still a victim off anticipation. The ever disappointed optimist. That’s probably not how you see me. But I’m often unseen. 

I don’t know if I can be happy anymore. I think I’ve hit that wall. In the waiting room. Covered in dusty couches and breathing in the dust moted air. Stale and whithering. 

Waiting still. And incapable of remembering why I’m even here.

1035 on a Lonely Friday Night

Posted: January 6, 2017 in me

I must admit that I don’t feel like your girl

Or your friend

Or a girl

Or a friend

I feel translucent

And like a ticking clock

Keeping time

For someone else

Not knowing if my time will come

Or if it has already gone