Archive for the ‘alone’ Category

do ya?

Posted: October 9, 2012 in alone, clarity, confusion, lonliness, love, me, poetry, sex

you tell me im cute

hold my hand

curl my curls around your finger

but do you SEE me?

you say im funny

laugh at my jokes

wrinkling your nose & the corners of your eyes

but do you HEAR me?

you tell me im smart

deeply pondering my musings

sharing your reactions to my lifes journey

but do you UNDERSTAND me?

you know my middle name

you know the story behind every tattoo and scar

you can trace my curves with your eyes closed

but do you KNOW me?

if you do

SEE me

HEAR

UNDERSTAND and KNOW me

why am i invisible

alone

cold

and frustrated

is it because

maybe

i dont let you

or me

KNOW

me?!

addendum

Posted: September 24, 2012 in alone, clarity, confusion, destiny, facts, hope, lonliness, love, me, poetry, repetition

don’t hold my hand, i don’t want it to mean something

don’t kiss my lips, i don’t want it to mean something

don’t press your bare skin up against mine, i don’t want it to mean something

don’t tell me i’m beautiful

don’t tell me i’m smart

or witty

or charming

or full of insight

or moxy

i don’t want it to mean something

don’t come swooping into my life

consuming me

wrapping my wholeness in glitter and glitz

and warmth and optimism

and titillating promises of futures

i don’t want it to mean something

don’t insult me

don’t neglect me

don’t take me for granted

don’t stop seeing who i AM

don’t make me leave with less than i came in with

i don’t want it to mean something

10k

Posted: August 27, 2012 in alone, clarity, confusion, destiny, hope, lonliness, love, me, poetry, repetition

evicted and evacuated

panic my companion and leader

traversing the same road

blindfolded by the thickness

attempting escape of the round rubber room

i fall and fail

staying down hopes for dissipation

breathing

fearing

resting

centered

standing

walking

forward

role

Posted: August 26, 2012 in alone, clarity, confusion, destiny, lonliness, love, me, poetry, repetition

well travelled
from verbose to morose
nothing found in empty arms
again
and still

life breathing
heart beating
earth spinning
unaffected and unrejected

walk about as i was born
comfortable and secure
longing only in weakness
knowing my appalling calling

between life’s tread and dead
i do not blink or sink
no surprise or sunrise
just more breathing and deceiving

fin

Posted: August 19, 2012 in alone, clarity, destiny, lonliness, love, me, poetry

handing you the pill

keeping the murder weapon for myself

we fade into the reality

resisting no longer an option

separte

alone

apart

insignificant

futile

even in this experience

blame

Posted: July 30, 2012 in alone, confusion, destiny, facts, insomnia, James, karma, lonliness, love, me

like a vase once rested in beauty
wobbling from the magician’s trick
cloth ripped from underneath
i teeter i totter
fearing the fall
or do i fear resting once again?

your name here

Posted: July 27, 2012 in alone, lonliness, love, me, poetry

ive never passed you in a hallway

just in a set of queen size sheets

ive never caught your eye from across the room

just as i laid my head on your heart

ive never had to get your attention

just held it in between our laced up fingers

ive never had to wonder what you were doing or where you were

just had to look to my right or left

ive never had to worry

just worried cuz i worry

ive never ever wondered

just questioned…if you KNOW me

 

modified

Posted: July 23, 2012 in alone, clarity, destiny, hope, lonliness, love, me, poetry, repetition

casual words scarify the now dead dream with permanence

sharing sleep doesn’t mean you share dreams

neither does love

or love

have i lost myself again?

me contingent on you

you defining me

me nameless, tasteless, and out of touch

like a dream of naked high school hallways

i resume the traveless walk

or the journey to your destination

blinded to the forks, splits and reality

i look to my empty hand and trace the shallow lines

with my own fingers

mapping the life ive been missing

again

unsurprised

unrelenting

irony

born to die alone

ever surrounded by the untouchable

skin

 

 

i knew this would come

stifled by the space

and darkness

familiar streets

the same old faces haunting the same old haunts

blocks i could circle with my eyes closed

the heaviness

the sadness

the cheese in the acme rat trap

i am not here

though my fingerprints scar the neighborhoods and predictable street signs

i never was here

she was me but i was not her

and here i am

unable to fill her shoes

and unwilling

smothered by the need to drive and “find something to do”

knowing the steps to its funeral march

i am paralyzed by my coordinates

suffocated regrets of never leaving and always returning

i am not her

yet it cleverly calls her name

and the emptiness in my heart

is programmed to respond

itd be a lie to say i never lie
i lie to myself
i lie with men who lie to me
my heart upon a shelf

i yearn for the honesty
though it scares my soul to death
unsure id even handle it
and manage the management of breath

seems odd to brace off truth
seems odd to run from fact
but run i have and run i will
never looking back

true truth is self created
self truths the elusive dream
unfrequented often foreign
uncomfortably tearing seems

can i fault you for who you are
can i ever trust your word
lies from self & others
the only things ive heard

tenuous tedious time tried & tired
i haven’t seen the mountain top
i’ve just heard it exists
slippery sliding stranded & sucked dry
crying out to the echoes & the ether
looking for a new path in my old grooved & worn road
eyes dry distracted divided & dumb
resistance is as futile as lies
heart educated by repetitive madness
crushed cracked crazy & checked out
no longer tethered by hopes stone
the little red balloon departs my heart
exhaustion of excuses explanations & eternity
i float in the linear streams of truth
sinking, all the while strapped to your back

purge

Posted: May 28, 2012 in alone, lonliness, me, poetry

a look in the mirror
revealing little more than projection
sultry silky savage lies
creep through the crevices left by false smiles
below the candy coating, fire
like ever warming patient dragons
they burn my ears intellect & instinct
the false reflective smiles & trusting eyes persist
as toxic vicious & no better than yours
no longer wondering why
i use them to rock myself to sleep
forgetting whose is whose

half of twelve

Posted: May 26, 2012 in alone, lonliness, love, me, poetry

screams executed as inhales
faulty and failed
words too full
lips clumsy from the weight of tears
soggy dripping fear drench brain
soul deafened by the silence
where heartbeats once danced
paralysis victorious and merciless
a single thought resonates
help
help
help
help me
help you

adrift

Posted: May 16, 2012 in alone, clarity, facts, lonliness, me, sex

my soul has memorized you in every way
with words not yet uttered lest written
each lash sigh touch tastebud inhale
and here we are
you me us
and the widening abyss
that’s whispering……….
forgotten

sinking before you learn to swim
crashing before you learn to fly
defying reality in hopes to control
or prayer to be swept away
outer body out of your mind
delicious sleep just never comes
forced to instinct you sink
how could you know anything else?
eyes and heart battle scarred
you disappear
inside of you
no longer in me
its death a wilting
no pomp just circumstance
distance perceived as shrinking
all is heavy
all is dark
truth evident in the temperature
cold and invisible it consumes you
you are not here
youve faded
slipping through the hand extended
fingers missing that touch of life
as blackness grows strong
the light now extinct
memories
hopes
givens
promises
sunrises
smiles
faith
truth
gone
all gone
without explanation or justice
eyes turned to the away i must walk to
drowned in their own tears
i am not here