Archive for the ‘insomnia’ Category

blame

Posted: July 30, 2012 in alone, confusion, destiny, facts, insomnia, James, karma, lonliness, love, me

like a vase once rested in beauty
wobbling from the magician’s trick
cloth ripped from underneath
i teeter i totter
fearing the fall
or do i fear resting once again?

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i see the flicker across your face
the smell oozes from your pores
more dead than alive
you gasp for air
heart nonetheless beating
beating for spite & out of habit
stale exhales cross dry unkissed lips
artificial hair color
makeshift soul
heartless sleeves hide your scars
journeys void of straight lines
heels hardened by hellish walks
you are me
i am you
unless i change

segue

Posted: May 7, 2012 in alone, destiny, insomnia, lonliness, love, me, poetry

on stormy nights
i think of your lips
and how they taste
after kissing my tears

i see your eyes
when i close mine
and thunder becomes heartbeats
lighting illuminates destiny

yet i lie alone
cool sheets filled with breadth
absent of your warmth
empty handed and pining

patience is the virtue i damn most
on nights like these
id give my soul
for one saltless kiss

I often feel bad that I have no idea how to relate to women AT ALL! I am not the one to look to for comfort. There are many situations I can handle “down to the white meat”, but when you become irrational…I’m out. Not to sound sketch…but would so many dudes be cool w me if all I did was look for validation and cry about my pussy aka my feelings?!?! NO!

This is the sane curse I’ve suffered my whole life…I’m Alpha. In all honesty,  I never give a fuck if you are as well, as that is so fleeting, and far between. My claim is not perfection, but I’d be the LAST bitch they would send to a hut every 28 days. I’m the girl that would issue “red wings”.

This is always the shit that kills me, my bitches…Why in the fuck do you decide to hate me for the same reason you love me? A man can at least love and hate me fuck me for the same reason and does not have to say a gatdam word. You think I should entertain a text that could rival a doctoral thesis…”WHY I DO NOT THINK YOU ARE A REAL FRIEND…” SCHNARF SCNARF muthafucka…you’re the reason humanity proposed the most pussified form of Feminism ever know to MAN!

Do me a favor m’kay: Get an education. Get a CAREER. Get a GULLIBLE man. MAKE him love your cat you’ve had since juniour year…Then get an IUD. We don’t need any more of your shenanigans.

Until then, I’m gonna read my comics, play w my new phone, drink beer with witty boys and listen to metal as we watch The Venture Brothers after I baked brownies in a white wife beater…braless.

Is my life chaotic? Like you bitches would know. Sometime you need to lay in the cut and receive and shut. the. fuck. up. Grab a controller…up up down down left right left right B A  start…

im glad that you now feel the responsibility. there are people we affiliate with that are unwell…as if we should speak, but we have the misfortune of outwitting our emotions, at times. i have cleared the shit for anyone who may have gotten victorian and need their moment. i will do it again. i always query why im so burdened, yet the first to be discarded…..sorry i think i wrote a poem there or something. im half buzzy, and now question if im allowed more than 4 hours, in humanities time, to feel joy. i feel each second that surpasses that, one is taken from the next incident. i feel so entitled to a moment of pleasure in anothers comany. sorry…i feel flowery.  could it be im raw and sincere and poetic?!?! if forced to answer, id protest too much. i maintain my relentlessness and integrity. proceed with the crucifixion and martyrdom. i accept. i am defined.

Z.

Posted: January 25, 2011 in alone, clarity, confusion, insomnia, lonliness, me

sleeping to dream is the long lost art of my existence

i long for the inactivity of sleep daily

sleep comes with  tumult and violence

i am weary and in need of change

indecisive in which may be less evil

i stay faithful to my insomnias kiss

a night owl or an insomniac or in denial

another day of poor sleeping choices wins

my eye lids long for the weight of my thoughts oblivious gravity defiance

zzz