my lady penis

I often feel bad that I have no idea how to relate to women AT ALL! I am not the one to look to for comfort. There are many situations I can handle “down to the white meat”, but when you become irrational…I’m out. Not to sound sketch…but would so many dudes be cool w me if all I did was look for validation and cry about my pussy aka my feelings?!?! NO!

This is the sane curse I’ve suffered my whole life…I’m Alpha. In all honesty,  I never give a fuck if you are as well, as that is so fleeting, and far between. My claim is not perfection, but I’d be the LAST bitch they would send to a hut every 28 days. I’m the girl that would issue “red wings”.

This is always the shit that kills me, my bitches…Why in the fuck do you decide to hate me for the same reason you love me? A man can at least love and hate me fuck me for the same reason and does not have to say a gatdam word. You think I should entertain a text that could rival a doctoral thesis…”WHY I DO NOT THINK YOU ARE A REAL FRIEND…” SCHNARF SCNARF muthafucka…you’re the reason humanity proposed the most pussified form of Feminism ever know to MAN!

Do me a favor m’kay: Get an education. Get a CAREER. Get a GULLIBLE man. MAKE him love your cat you’ve had since juniour year…Then get an IUD. We don’t need any more of your shenanigans.

Until then, I’m gonna read my comics, play w my new phone, drink beer with witty boys and listen to metal as we watch The Venture Brothers after I baked brownies in a white wife beater…braless.

Is my life chaotic? Like you bitches would know. Sometime you need to lay in the cut and receive and shut. the. fuck. up. Grab a controller…up up down down left right left right B A  start…

FACT

somebody KILL her. shes fucking it up FOR EVERYONE!!!!!!

kevlar

It is my belief that life doles us 2 major ass whoopings of a lesson: consequence and avoidance. Many things lead to us choosing between the positions of piper payer and master of disguise. i fail at both. i have the karma of Ghenhis Kahn. My life is a constant reprimand of mistakes that I’m unaware of. i never claimed to be perfect. My bet is that I’m good. It’s tiresome to renig. I shall not be blind. I feel that I am righteous or ppl wouldn’t trust me with their children. So why would a man trust me with his heart? I feel frivolous. I don’t ask for your solution. My dad called me today…regarding my dark secret. He PLACED me. He pointed out that my intelligence and wiles would redeem me. I was valued. I love my dad. It’s in our weakness we are loved. It’s itchy to be a creative slash analytical creature. I’m comfy here. So I’ll be odd…

Dear BOB:

I love you most for donuts on a stick.

I loved my KOOBAH!

You will always rescue me.

You’re so brilliant.

I REVELED in the days I sat on the stairs to hear your guitar gently weep…

i heard every burst of a string.

thank you daddy.

thank you for making me tough.

and andy and azzy.

i shall reckon with my facts based on your belief in me.

wanna know a funny daddy BOB?

we became “friends” along the way.

thats all i ever wanted.

GOLLY am I glad I was so totally right about you ❤

cardio

life is toilsome and full of requirements.

the BREATHING is enough to kill me.

then i hear my heart needs to be involved?!?!

what am i ?!?!?!

a rocket surgeon?

have you ever felt that it hurts to have skin?

or to be human?

welcome to my groundhog day.

i define the definition of insanity.

there is deep seeded doubt in my conduct.

and im running…

or sitting still…

far away…

i quit.

i want to be carried from an explosion…

that you never look back at.

i am flailing.

i experience love based on fragility on a daily…

i hate that.

id like to rise like a phoenix

but even in the dreams that i can fly

i flap.

im running.

im running hard.

im running with stamina.

only a gladiator can defeat that.

im so tired.

tuck me in.

be sexy.

make me want you.

give words to the day i burst.

i am unfair.

i hate that about me.

scale…

isnt fair to me.

its a balance,

why must you make me feel so little and light?

carry me away in your closed off offered mystery.

plz?

im so much smaller than a kilo and a life of apathy.

i bet youd be the best!

the darkest of nights involve you.

now im involved.

and here i am…

small

carried

running from fire

youre pretty amazing

(:

i am obtuse.

SALACIOUS…….B. Crumb

I hate feeling that I’m eye/arm/ear/brain candy. There are songs I adore because they reject the idea of being found attractive…how ever the beholder defines that. I stand on the fact that looks are 90% genetic. Don’t bother me: the person who sees me naked most, bathes myself most and satisfies myself most, with your oral pukings of visual interpretations. My personality has been molded by my family and the fact that life hasn’t managed to off me yet. My intelligence is also the result of genetics and upbringing. My “education” is my intelligence’s conjoined twin. (which I ate) My sense of humor is an abomination of all these things, the Frankenstinian triplet if you will. I’m beginning to sound as if I don’t believe in free will. Well, maybe I don’t. Or maybe, good sir, I do not give a fuck.

Despite my experiences with mechanics, plumbers, and women in HR, I am pleased I am woman. If we enlisted a barter system, I would be Bill Gates. At any given moment I understand what one flick of a lash, lick of my lip, or one solitary tear can illicit. What I SHOULD be credited for, is using my power wisely and genuinely. Am I asking that you be grateful if I choose your company, affection and body fluids? HA! There I go with my wiles again…

Do I know my point? Do I know what I’m saying or asking? I think, in essence, I’m accepting myself. I love the fact that I think I’m not hard on the eyes. I’m smarter than the average cookie. I can make a grown man laugh with a fart joke or admitting how fallible I am. My twist of words can weave you into laughter, tears, or a raging hard on.

Today, my complete apathy of the “BLIZZARD OF 2011” has piqued all the qualities I possess as well as the questions that have been previously mentioned. I am in an emotional ivory tower. Im looking to drop my hair to the people of Hoth. I hope to resume my normalcy as soon as the sun shines…though I will hiss at it with great vigor. With the “Great Melt of 2011”, I will once again prove it’s good to keep a hard man down. I will giggle like my life depends on it and be the side man to any fat fucker that can procure a hot slave…aka ME.

drivle

sizzle

drifts

wind

weather

I relinquish control.

**Assumes my birthright as a Siren and Muse**

Proceed and ADIEU!

 

im late for a very important date

ive always known that being surrounded by creative people would be a toilet swirl of existence.

but i like it.

im not sure if its the calling i should follow, but i am.

so here i am in septic twister of awesomeness…

and i fear it will not end soon.

this is the most ive felt MYSELF…

and properly executed.

is it good for me?

i dont care.

is it effective?

well kind of, in several ways.

this isnt the moment i shall begins to sandra day o’connor.

am i happy?

what IS “HAPPY”?

im being COMMITTED.

and thats a fabulous start

❤